I used to mean something to you, but now i'm tired and alone...

So far this week,
I’ve managed to find myself on a return to the pathway to my own self-destruction. It’s a path I know all too well and I’m still not immune to the twists on the pathway. Personally I feel life is a cruel twisted game to me. It’s not about how good or how bad a person is, according to whoever runs this show it’s about how much torment, pain and anguish you can inflict on a person. Normally I don’t like to freak out like this because it will make people worry, but I do feel like this a lot of the time, but I don’t show it because I’m a fucking good actor, and I don’t want to hurt the people around me, because I have destroyed one too many relationships already. But if you’re reading this and thinking “He’s writing this for attention” as I’m sure many a person in the world will think, then I have to say that you are cruel and judge me on one post. The truth is that no-one can know what goes on in my mind or anyone else’s mind at any given moment, so think before you judge or open your mouth.

One way, I’ve tried to release this depression and aggression that I suppress so often is through my lyrics and often my poetry for my assignments. Unfortunately, the teachers seem to think that when I get too personal with my poems that I write crap. One poem I wrote last year was called Shinji Ikari and I wrote it about a character in my favourite Anime, Neon Genesis Evangelion particularly around the final two episodes found on the End of Evangelion DVD where his mind is put to the test and fractures his sanity. When writing this poem, I inadvertently wrote myself into the poem with my personal feelings at the time, creating an unintentional relationship with the character. This poem, I was proud of because I managed to get my feelings onto paper. However my teachers disagreed because it was far too personal as well as disliking my use of everything in the poem. So it’s a knock back for poetry that is supposed to reflect how one feels, not in the classic romantic/gothic/war every other kind of poetic form way but the way I write my poems. Here, why not have a read, it’s a little depressing but it’s something I’m proud of and the only poem I’ve managed to express myself in.

Shinji Ikari
It is cold in here,
Well I can hide behind my breath,
So I’ll breathe in…
Too much!

And with a gunshot
They all fall down
Behind false smiles
… Yes it feels nice

It’s over;
These angels dehumanise!
Yet,
It feels nice…

Damn it!
Damn it!
DAMN IT!

The fate of destruction…
The joy of rebirth…
Then what is your hand for?

You laid me down to sleep
In the wake…


So this semester, I’ve begun to re-try and make my poems personal because it’s not about what the teachers what in the long run. It should be about what I want to write and if my work is not what they want, it doesn’t matter because it means something to me. Therefore I’ve been using my depression mood to write my poems and take have pictures of the lines I’ve written on various items and in various ways. The idea is to be shocking and not happy. I want to so these people who I am and how I feel so they understand what plagues me internally. Thus was born the idea for the tomato ketchup writing to mimic blood. Please before you judge me, know this, if anyone feels this is sick or wrong then get a life. I don’t judge you for your works, art is about reflecting the moment and capturing the image. Look at Van Gogh for goodness sake. He was a bi-polar artist who struggled to make a living and was judged by everyone around him, but his art speaks for itself and shows us all his view of the world. His command of colour, the style he draws in and his ability to find the true beauty of a particular moment is astonishing.

Anyway so, here are a few pictures of what I’ve been up to. Courtesy of my housemate, who just about manages to keep me remotely sane.








Now I would like to assure you all that it is ketchup on my hands and not real blood. I’m also planning to create a few images of a girl or guy putting lipstick on in the shape of a Chelsea smile. It’s all about the truth of poetry these days. And all this was done to the sounds of Funeral For A Friend’s brilliant new album which effectively saved my life on Monday. I have so much gratitude for that band because they have effectively stopped me from doing things that I would regret. Music saves lives. You would be surprised by how much it has helped me and continues to.

So in closing, and cause I’m on the topic of Funeral For A Friend, I’m going to list my favourite songs by the most amazing Welsh band of a generation. So here are ten FFAF brilliant songs for you, and I’ll speak again soon. I apologize for the long post and emotional nature of this particular post but it needed to be written and I thank you if you are reading this because it’s nice to know that someone out there is listening to the ramblings of another student.
• History (found on the album “Hours”)
• The Art of American Football (Found on the “Seven ways to scream your name” E.P.)
• To Die Like Mouchette (found on the album “Memory & Humanity”)
• The Diary (found on the album “Tales don’t tell themselves”)
• You Want Romance? (B-side to “Escape Artist’s…” single)
• Medicated (found on the album “Welcome Home Armageddon”)
• Moments Forever Faded (found on the album “Casually dressed and deep in conversation”)
• Hospitality (found on the album “Hours”)
• Roses for the Dead (found on the album “Hours”)
• Old Hymns (found on the album “Welcome Home Armageddon”)

We all know friends like these, friends like these are the greatest and keep my feet on the ground. Nothing worse than growing up

Hello my followers, surprise for you all today, I've got a couple of character sketches for you all to have a look at for my Scott Pilgrim inspired comic. So here we go, no point beating around the bush is there.
This is Hails. She likes vampires and can summon them if she really, really wants. Also she is easily aggravated by video games when she fails to complete challenges.
Special Ability: SUMMON VAMPIRES- DRACULA 999mp, LESTAT 666mp, SELENE 333mp, EDWARD CULLEN 1mp (useless summon, like the chocobo summon in FF4 =/)

Next up is Kirsty, she is a fond of music and has a strange obsession with stars. She would normally be wearing contact lenses, but if she sees something she really likes her eyes light up and turn into stars. It's actually a little worrying. =/
Special Ability: STAR POWER- utilize the power of any star item upon her person to launch a devastating attack with the power of a sun. The more stars the better =)

Third up is Abi, our resident Biologist. She likes nothing more than investigating plants and running around in fields acting like a big child. (is it me or is this all of a sudden turning into a dating profile!!!) She also has the ability to remain completely calm, in fact I believe her temper is completely non-existent.

Special Ability: COMMAND PLANT-LIFE- Command plants in the nearby area to attack enemies or aid party. Differs from plant type to plant type.

Forth is Heather, every one's favourite singer. She loves to sing out loud at random moments and is actively involved with a band. She is enthusiastic and always has random conversations involving trips to Paris and iPod silent discos with Paul.
Special Ability: SING- uses songs to give various status elements to enemies. Ranges from heavy damage to elemental damage and status afflictions.

Finally Paul (IE. My character) He is sarcastic and often opens his mouth without thinking what he is saying. Occasionally he will make the suggestion to Heather they should run away to Paris but to no avail. His jokes often fall flat and he tends to sneak hug his friends.
Special Ability: ARMY OF ONE- launches a devastating one-man chain attack upon a selected enemy. Very unlikely to miss and may also inflict status afflictions depending on the enemy.

Anyway that is all for now. Just wanted to share them with you all. More to come soon. And I'd like to thank all of my friends who are out there in the world. Without them, none of these characters would really be possible because our random exploits, conversations and lives bring us all endless hours of enjoyment. Even when things look bleak, I can always count on them. And this is one way I'm saying thank-you because they deserve to be recognized by the world and not just me. (P.S. Heather is amazing and has been the funnist character to draw because of her vibrant personality. Actually everyone has been fun to draw but I wanted to mention her again because her excitement about everything gave me the inspiration to begin work on this comic. She's awesome and I love her haha.)

Right so, onwards and upwards I guess. The songs for this post are:

Dave Melillo- For the Sake of Remembering

This Will Destroy You- This World is our ___

All Time Low- Time Bomb

Right so enjoy. I'll speak soon =)

Enjoy yourself, take only what you need to what the world regains its place in the stars

Hello my noble followers,

It's been an interesting few weeks these last couple. To which few people have escaped unscathed, following the wave of news that hit us as we try to keep moving through life in the best possible way. But I'm not here to try depress the world, no sir, I'm not going to do that today... well maybe later but you never know.



Recently I got my assignment back for my Palestinian essay on the British Government's relationship with the Zionist before 1914. I'll admit its an interesting topic and I do enjoy studying history, because whether you like it or not, it is historians who will save the world at some point. Except we observe first then act. Kind of like Time Lords with the rule of no direct interference with fixed points in time. It's actually quite a good comparison that to be fair. Anyway, so I got my essay back and my tutor was really surprised that I got 60%, with in fairness is quite surprising because of the amount of blunders and monumental cock-ups I made in that essay. But instead of the congratulations that one normally receives, we were all greeted with an air of "I think you could have done better" and then "Here is my four page list of everything that you can improve upon and what you did wrong and things/habits I generally disapprove of in any assignment that I receive!"... The looks on our faces from this point on can only be best described as...

Now don't get me wrong, I like nothing more than feedback so I can improve on my work but in fairness, I can only describe this as a giant kick in the teeth. It was one of those moments where you feel like you've entirely let yourself down and I know my good friend on my course felt the same as we met up after and decided the only logical thing to do next was retail therapy... so I bought some Doctor Who DVDs... yes the classic Tom Baker ones =). But aside from the point, on no part of the actually coursework discussion in our timetable did our tutor actually specify a certain criteria for the presentation, sources and every other bit of jargon he pulled us up on. Much to the amusement of my history Arch-Nemesis. I seem to have a lot of super-villain wannabes after me clearly... =/ Interesting.

Anyway on with other news. My Scott Pilgrim inspired comic is very near completion, in fact I shall be doing the last couple of panels in the next few days and hopefully uploading it to this blog at some point in the very near future. I would have liked it to be up last month but the amount of work that I've had to do recently has been ridiculous. Its really quite de-moralising these days when you're trying to make the world aware of your wish to be in the industry. Or at least that's how it feels to me. Maybe a new plan is in order... one that involved monkey's would be preferable.

Also in the world of news around me, is poetry also known as the long 3 hours on a Friday afternoon where we learn nor do nothing. Again the world is close to its death when we enter that room. I had a coursework assignment where I had to do four poems on class exercises but how can we do four poems on class exercises when we do not actually do them in class? hmm I wonder what problems that could cause... answer- Alot... =/ I don't really want to portray myself across the globe and to whoever reads this as a moaner or a moaning kind of person, I'm normally an OK kind of guy and ask my friends they'll back me up on this, keep myself to myself not burdening them with my problems. But you have to agree with me on this one that if we don't practice writing in the class then it is pretty hard to do the assignment and all the add on bits when we have nothing to work with. You see what I'm saying. It's a little contradictory if you catch my drift. Also every week we nearly fall asleep in that lesson so either I am falling asleep and missing it or we just are not doing any work worth a damn. I don't know really but it's too late to procrastinate on it now.

So that is what has been going on in my world at the moment, granted it's not the most pressing issues that can ever be discuss, I mean when we look at places in the Middle East that are tearing themselves to pieces, it does give a little perspective considering how bad we believe out government are. I completely understand the reasons for the cuts made in our country but the way and the unfairness they were handed out is only for the benefit of several members of the upper class community. Therefore as it has been suggested the new party motto for the conservative party should be- "Putting the 'N' into Cuts!" I actually would love to see that. Politics and assignments aside, I am in the middle of planning a trip to the Zooniverse, also known as Chester Zoo because secretly we are all big kids and the Zoo is amazing. I shalt say no more on that topic. Hopefully I'll be putting some pictures up of that when I get them and hopefully a comic or two before then. The fun never stops does it.

And so in closing, Cameron is evil, Gaddafi is mis-guided, Poetry tutors can not teach and the monkey is loose in the closet again... hmm I must fix the world. So the songs for this post are The Naked & Famous- Young Blood and Architects- An open letter to myself. Enjoy and I'll check in soon.

Peace and Love as always.
PS stay out of the Middle East.